What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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