we have pet lesbian snakes
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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