I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize