sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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