so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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