you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I did not marry a roomba.
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