One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
