im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
