Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
