I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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