Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I need to stop coming to work sober
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
