When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
