On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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