Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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