i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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