woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This toilet bowl is my home.
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