This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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