Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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