Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
