i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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