I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
