what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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