i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
