the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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