if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So much rum. So many feels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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