your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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