Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
