His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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