Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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