I need help removing her.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Found your dick twin last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
