may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
