I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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