Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at about main and main street
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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