just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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