she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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