so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
