What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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