i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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