You just made me feel so damn special
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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