the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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