I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
