I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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