forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
