i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
