Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
