i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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