No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Terrible idea I love it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize