even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
