Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
