So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
