Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
