i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
