is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
