If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize