I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
