Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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