Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I see more hoeing in ur future
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