Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
