I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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