Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
