I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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