is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
