U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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