You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
