hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
