what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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