You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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