I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
