Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
