I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
