sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
