Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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