I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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