KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
