yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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