I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
