I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
