It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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