Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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