and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
