So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
