all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
