Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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