glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
