she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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