I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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