I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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