You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
